Little House On The Prairie – A Movie By…

We all know that Sean Durkin was attached to direct a Little House on the Prairie movie, so we know that it will be a dark psychological thriller. However, what if…

… Michael Bay directed it? Well, then the little house would be a giant mansion and the prairie would be actually Beverly Hills. Nicolas Cage would land the role of Charles Ingalls – obviously, he would be a paranoid character that discovers all sorts of conspiracies all around him, including one with a group of slave-traders that tries to take over his house. Laura would be his hot early 20’s daughter, kidnapped by the said salve-traders. Obviously, in a big ball of fire, all the villains are killed when Michael Landon blows up the mansion.

… Michael Haneke directed it? Then the little house would be a little house, but in which the Ingalls family would be trapped because of a blizzard. Still, this would be a psychological thriller, filled with the existential boredom of the family. In order to spice things up and feel that they are alive (given the fact that they are trapped in the small house because of the blizzard), the Ingalls would decide to play some funny games. There would be no soundtrack for the film and only one member of the family would survive. Obviously, for Haneke this would be a comedy.

… this was a Disney animation? Well, in this case, Laura Ingalls would have the supernatural ability of plowing the fields with her mind. The community wouldn’t see this as a strange thing. Obviously, Michael Landon would continue to support his daughter well after she became married, singing all along the way. In the end, when the villains of the story would reveal themselves, they would be defeated by the power of Love.

… Tyler Perry directed it? In this case, nobody would admit that they saw Little House on the Prairie the movie, even if the film made a ton of cash at the box-office. Obviously, the Ingalls family would be an African-American one, the stereotypes would work (since the story would still be set in the 19th century), and the villain would be a cracker.

… Tim Burton directed it? In this case, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter would be in the movie, thus attracting the viewers. This is probably the only case when the story of The Little House on the Prairie would be set in the present times (much like the Dark Shadows remake). We are still debating whether Laura flies using only her ponytail and if Carrie is entirely made from CGI.

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