Funny Golden Girls Comebacks

Ladies of the Evening

Sophia: Arrested for prostitution! I can’t believe it!

Blanche: Sophia, we’re innocent!

Sophia: I know that. I can’t believe these dumb cops would think people would wanna pay money to sleep with you!

Flu Attack

Blanche:  I treat my body like a temple.

Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night!

The Competition

Blanche: Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!

Sophia: That’s right! But unlike yours, I didn’t need penicillin to get through it.

Before and After

Blanche: I am abhorred!

Sophia: We know what you are Blanche. I’m glad to finally hear you admit it.

Blanche: Sophia, I said “abhorred”.

Sophia: A whore, a slut, a tramp, it’s all the same.

Ladies of the Evening

Sophia: Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you, in anything backless.

Blanche and the Younger Man

Blanche: [about Dirk] This is strictly off the record, but Dirk’s nearly five years younger than I am.

Dorothy: In what, Blanche? Dog years?

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun…Before They Die

Dorothy: Now Ma, remember, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Sophia: I think I crossed that line when I had a date.

The Case of the Libertine Belle

Rose: [Blanche is disgusted that Posey is flirting with Kendall] You flirted with him.

Blanche: I’m from the South! Flirting is part of my heritage.

Rose: What do you mean?

Dorothy: Her mother was a slut too.

Foreign Exchange

Dorothy: Oh no, I can’t see myself swinging my hips and wildly gyrating my pelvis, I’m not interested.

Sophia: And the world heaves a collective sigh of relief.

Big Daddy

Rose: Oh, Sophia. I want to explain about last night. When I was a little girl one summer we had a terrible thunderstorm…

Sophia: Excuse me Rose, have I given any indication at all that I care?

Timeless!

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