Serious fans know that Deputy Barney Fife left the Andy Griffith Show in 1965 to pursue work as a detective in the big city of Raleigh. Even while he worked at the Sheriff’s Office, he tried his hand at some second jobs…shoe salesman, real estate agent, and of course the boss behind the Mayberry distribution center for the Miracle Salve Company.
But can you imagine Barney Fife in the job market today? How would he interview? Well imagine this…
Barney has applied for a security job with TSA at the Raleigh-Durham International Airport. Andy made a few calls to the state capital to a friend that he takes hunting occasionally and got Barney an initial interview.
This first interview is held over Skype and Barney has his desk top computer all setup for the interview at his room at Mrs. Mendlebright’s Boarding House. He just finished off a bowl of chili and has his room window open to get rid of the smell still coming from his microwave….cooking is still strictly forbidden by his landlady.
Since this is a Skype interview, Barney will be seated in front of the computer and only be captured by the camera from the waist up. So, he decides to only wear the upper half of his “old salt and pepper” suit. On the bottom, he is wearing boxer shorts (think army issue here) and black socks with garters. No sense in not being comfortable for this!
It’s about five minutes before the interview goes live and Barney is sitting staring into the computer screen at his reflection. He notices a nose hair that needs clipped so he grabs a nearby pair of pinching sheers and clips the nose hair. The only problem is, he also clips the skin on the inside of his nose and it begins to bleed like a “stuck hog. “ Barney scrambles for a rag and sits holding it to his nose with his head back…only minutes from the start of his important interview. Thankfully, the bleeding subsides just before the start of his interview.
The interview goes live on the computer and Barney begins to discuss his illustrious law enforcement career in Mayberry. He notices the expressions on the faces of the people conducting the interview…they are looking at him with a pained expression. But, Barney continues his discord without interruption. Finally, one of the interviewers says, “Excuse me Mr. Fife but you seem to be bleeding.”
Barney’s nose has begun to bleed again and unknowingly blood is running down his face. When it’s brought to his attention, Barney apologizes and jumps up to get another rag to stop the bleeding. Now, both interviewers are exposed to the bottom half of Barney’s current outfit…or lack thereof.
Barney scrambles back to his chair in front of the computer only to hear a loud knocking on the door and Mrs. Mendlebright yelling to be let in because she knows he has been cooking in his room.
The interviewers say goodbye to Barney over the computer and tell him, “we’ll be in touch!”
Of course the call back never comes and Barney never gets another interview for this job…because you never get a second chance to make a first impression.
Oh well! That’s the TSA’s loss. Can you imagine Barney as a TSA agent? What a great spinoff that would have been!